Thursday, September 30, 2010

Lady Boohoo

Damn. I lost a follower. Eh.

So I have been pretty fucking sad lately. I don't think going off my medication was the best idea. I wish it could be much smoother, of course, but maybe I have to accept the fact that I may always need to be on an antidepressant.

It's not that I am "just sad." It's as if my brain is trapped inside of a closet and that closet is trapped inside of a sauna and that sauna is trapped inside the foggy city of San Francisco and that city of San Francisco is trapped inside of the Great Depression and that Great Depression is trapped inside of my brain which is locked inside of a drawer inside of a closet.

You know?

So that's how I feel. Or don't feel. Aren't you supposed to start "feeling" again when you go off of antidepressants? Aren't you supposed to awaken from some deep sleep and start seeing the world in color again? Aren't you supposed to suddenly be a creative genius and sexual genius and a genius who doesn't even know they're a genius because the real mark of a genius is being oblivious to the fact that they are, in fact, a genius? Because I am not feeling any of these things. The only things I do seem to feel is quick anger and frustration at the silliest things, like a certain vegan girl that usually only slightly frustrates me and insignificant grammatical errors.

And I'm always tired.

What do I do? I think I am on the verge of giving up-- giving up on a variety of people, things, ideas, and myself. And I don't really care.


Meg said...

Your description of depression is perfect. I've lived in that city of fog myself, somewhere inside my brain. I'm sure you have, but have you tried herbal anti-depressants? They don't have as many negative side-effects and often don't give you that zombie-feeling (that I've noticed...I don't know, maybe I'm a zombie). <3 to you.

meg said...

Hi Meg! I just got your comment. I have tried a few herbal antidepressants before and I have liked them. Eventually I would like to only take herbal supplements to treat depression, anxiety, etc. I just wish going off of prescriptions wasn't as rough as it is. <3 you