It's about that time of night when I feel like my brain has fallen asleep standing up. In other words, the television is on in my brain, but it's just static. In other words, my brain is wearing footie pajamas and sleepwalking into a loud party in some hip downtown loft where the drinks are served with Red Bull. In other words, my brain logs on, but then watches the screensaver. In other words, if my brain were on drugs, it would be on caffeine. In other words, this is my brain. And this is my brain on caffeine. Any questions? No, this is not a vegan fried egg. This is a totally egg-ful egg, fried until nothing is left but dust dust American dust.