this is NOT a post about anthony kiedis. or is it??? no. it is not.

I get daily emails from beliefnet.com and I usually just delete them, but a few days ago I noticed one of their emails was on getting over an emotionally dependent relationship. It caught my eye because, well, I have been going through the "break up" of such a relationship.

I have known Chris for about... four or five years. And in that time, I had grown quite emotionally attached to him. I would rely on him to give me a lot of emotional support. We talked and texted with one another constantly. He knew all of my secrets and everything about me. But then he got a girlfriend. And things inevitably changed. I knew they would. It didn't come as quite a shock to me or anything. And I think I actually handled the sudden change fairly well. Chris is still an important part of my life and always will be, but I have had to get used to the fact that our relationship has changed in very big ways and that I now have to be strong and independent on my own.

But the trouble is... I don't know who to talk to. I feel like whomever I talk to is either burdened by me or is just not that close to me (yet) for me to feel completely open and honest. At the beginning of this year, I became close with a friend of mine I had known for awhile. This happened right around the time that Chris and I stopped being so close. It was nice at the time to have someone there to "catch me", but I think that I put far too much pressure on this person-- I subconsciously turned them into my "new Chris", which means they got a lot of emotional texts from me late at night (among other draining things). When I realized this person was not going to be my new Chris, I started to somewhat panic. I felt so alone and, frankly, mad. And definitely jealous of all of those who have their "emotional strength" friend/significant other. I just want to be able to have someone to "bother" and have them love and support me unconditionally. And I know I have that in my family, which is a great comfort. But there's a difference.

BUT before I freak/phreak all of you out by seeming like a total emotional wreck/dependent basket case, I just want to let you know that on the flip side I am also a really independent person. I have to have my space. I am ultimately a loner. There are just times when I long for that one person that I can go to when I have my many mini-breakdowns. But I am learning little by little to be far more independent in that area and to be much more confident in who I am, which will hopefully reduce the number of breakdowns I have.

Good luck, Meg.